


Faith By Morning

by casography



Category: Doctor Who (2005), Supernatural
Genre: F/M, Porn With Plot, Rare Pairings, Superwho, how is my first ao3 fic not amyeleven, i wish this didn't have a plot, it is not necessarily a good plot, slight angst, the Afterword is a lie, yet i regret nothing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-04
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-03-08 02:36:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13448736
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casography/pseuds/casography
Summary: "She thought his expression strange; he simply couldn't help but notice that death looked very becoming on her."





	1. Maybe I Should Eat My Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It's taken a thousand years but I'm finally publishing something on here. I hope it's good, as I'm just too chicken to have anything beta read at this point. The other chapters are mostly written, so it shouldn't take long for the complete story to be available. Just need to fine-tune the next two chapters and finish the fourth.
> 
> A couple of good songs for this story are "Undiscovered First" by Feist and "Still Your Girl" by Fleurie. Maybe someday I'll make a full playlist for this fic...maybe. Chapter titles are from the song "Down Side of Me" by CHVRCHES. (A very clear pattern of musical inspiration forming here.)
> 
> This is not long after "Vincent and the Doctor" for Amy and not long before "The Man Who Would Be King" for Castiel. This changes for Cas in a later chapter and we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
> 
> Enough of my babbling. Remember to please comment and/or kudos!

It was midnight and Amy couldn't sleep. She'd tossed and turned for nearly two hours already, and her mind seemed even more restless. Everything had felt strange since their adventure with Vincent, even before that. But ever since she'd met the Doctor's "old friend," he was almost the only thing she'd been able to think about. Even her fantasies of the Doctor had started to give way to longing for this new...it was still difficult to fathom just what he was. Even now that she had plenty of proof, it was still surreal to think about.

 

* * *

 

"Amelia, I'd like you to meet someone. He's going to be helping us with our next adventure."

"We need help? Before we even begin?"

The Doctor took a deep breath, concern lining his face. "I don't want to say it's dangerous...but it could prove a challenge. He's going to ensure that our path is clear."

"Clear?" Amy said suspiciously. "As in, he's going to-"

"Decimate whatever sees fit to stand in your way," an unbelievably deep voice said from behind her, making her start

After an almost involuntary curse, she took in the figure before her. He was tall with dark hair and striking blue eyes, his broad shoulders covered with a trench coat and what looked like a business suit underneath that. Gorgeous? That was an understatement. What struck her the most though was that he hadn't been behind her a second ago. Nobody but she and the Doctor had been on the ship to her knowledge, and the TARDIS was hurtling through the continuum. From what she'd always understood--even though she'd only been aboard for a few months--it was impossible to board the ship while it was in transit. That didn't seem to be the case with this guy. To be wary was understandable.

Castiel, however, was curious. As she examined him, he examined her. She was tall for a woman, almost regal in stature. Mostly legs, as her mini-skirt made abundantly clear. He mused that her hair could be seen from miles away. If he didn't have the social graces picked up from the Winchester's over the past few years, he might give into the odd urge that he felt to touch it. The Doctor said he'd been distracted with a new companion; he'd never expected just how distracting she'd look. Yet there was something wrong...

Amy was brought back to the moment by the Doctor's hand on her shoulder as he passed her to shake the stranger's hand.

"It's been too long," he said earnestly, "and that was rather quick! I only prayed about--" A quick check of the watch. "--a quarter of an hour ago. That must be a record, old friend."

The man--non-man, couldn't be human--just smiled somewhat humbly. "I was simply unoccupied for once," he lied.

"Oh, sorry to call you up when you finally have some time to yourself."

The stranger shook his head dismissively. "Trust me, I need something to do." Something different to do.

"Sorry," Amy started, finding a moment to chime in. "Did you say 'pray,' Doctor?"

They both looked at her then, the Doctor springing to life somewhat and scrambling back to Amy. "Right. Amelia-" He led her down the stairs to his friend. Amy gave the Doctor a look. "Sorry. Amy...this is Castiel."

Castiel extended his hand, Amy doing the same. He shook her hand, then covered the back of her hand with his other one. "It's nice to meet you. You can just call me 'Cas' as most do."

"He's an angel of the Lord," the Doctor said as if it were the most normal, everyday thing.

A pause. "Sorry, what?" Amy asked.

"An angel of the Lord," Castiel repeated.

Another pause, but it didn't last long once Amy scoffed. She couldn't help it. An angel? She withdrew her hand slowly and crossed her arms. "Doctor...really."

"Amy--"

"You didn't tell her before?" They turned back to Castiel, a deep crease having formed now between his brows. The Doctor had promised he'd explain to Amy about what he was before he arrived. Apparently, that conversation never took place. She wanted to laugh at how serious Cas looked but was slightly too incredulous for it.

"Amy, you've never had a problem before believing the existence of any beings," the Doctor said in a somewhat disappointed tone. Suddenly he leaned in closer to her ear. "Oh, there is no relation to the Weeping Angels--"

"That's obvious, thank you," she said, slightly perturbed. "But...you look so human. And a proper, Christian angel? They don't exist."

"I can assure you, we do," Cas said with a slight smile, well versed in how to handle doubt in the divine. It was hard to ignore how that smile made her insides react, but she was still in disbelief. Nevertheless, she pushed both feelings aside.

"Look, it really doesn't matter what I believe, right?" she asked with a shrug. "The Doctor says you can help. That's all that matters."

The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, dissatisfied. "Not this time around, Pond." She looked at him, puzzled. "We're going to need faith to get where we're going."

Amy could tell he wasn't finished, his mouth slightly parted as if to continue. She looked from him to Castiel--to find he was staring at her from the corner of his eye. Swallowing, she turned back to the Doctor to listen.

"Human faith, to be exact," the Doctor finished.

 

* * *

 

Another hour had passed. Amy thought this had to be torture: If God truly existed and knew all, she'd been having some very indecent thoughts about one of his first creations. Was that even a sin? Whatever the answer, it wasn't like she could really help it. Wasn't as if she'd meant to start feeling this way about a celestial being--for the second time in her life.

And it wasn't as if Castiel had discouraged it.

_Screw it_ , she thought. She needed sleep, and there was one last-ditch effort that always worked. Feeling as if part of her was spiting God--a thrilling concept, mind--she let her hand drift over her stomach and down between her legs. She slowly hiked her short nightgown up to her belly button and began stroking herself.

 

* * *

 

Castiel told her over breakfast the next morning--of which he didn't partake--why he looked so human, making it clear he didn't steal anyone's body once he'd brought the word "vessel" into the conversation. As Amy listened, she fiddled with her left sleeve, which covered a nasty cut on the inside of her arm. The cut wouldn't heal, and she and the Doctor still couldn't figure out why. It had been almost two weeks and she was past worried. What's more, she'd woken up feeling somewhat feverish. Still, she listened to the stranger, shaking her head at odd intervals.

"That's fine and all," Amy said once Cas had finished, glad he wasn't a body-snatcher. That would've been a big turn-off. "But it doesn't prove anything."

"Amy, you said yourself, he boarded the ship as we were flying," the Doctor supplied. "Not many are capable of that."

"But you said yourself," she began, somewhat mockingly, "that there are other beings who've done it. I just wasn't around yet to see it." The Doctor slumped in his chair, all but giving up.

"I'm sorry, I'm trying," she said earnestly. "But I need proof." She stood and left the room, nursing her arm. The latter action caught the angel's attention, and he wondered why it'd taken him so long to realize just what was wrong with her.

A few feet from her bedroom door, Amy almost yelled when Cas appeared right in front of her. "What the bloody h-"

"Usually it's best to ease people into believing the existence of angels," he started, closing the distance and stopping a bit close. "But we don't have time for that, unfortunately."

He gently took her injured arm in his hands, and she almost protested. "I sensed it yesterday when I arrived." He pushed her sleeve up and went to remove the bandage--when she violently jerked her arm back. 

"No," she hissed, half savagely and half scared. Cas sighed and changed tactics.

"Amy, please," he said softly, sensing a small amount of fear. "You don't have to believe right now. Just trust me."

His eyes were open and vulnerable in pleading with her, melting away her fear. After a moment, she found herself almost unconsciously offering her arm back to him. He removed the bandage quickly so it would hurt less; still, she hissed as the motion pulled at the wound itself. Today it was a lovely shade of green. "It won't heal."

Cas placed his hand hovering over the wound, and she almost pulled back again. But before she could think to, there was a white, warm light radiating from his hand. She watched, entranced, and felt as her skin knit itself back together while the redness and infection disappeared completely.

He dropped her arm and she examined it. Absolutely nothing, not even a scar. She smiled and was about to thank him when he spoke again.

"Oh, one more thing," he said, stepping a bit closer and pressing his fingers against her temple. This sent what she hoped was an unnoticeable thrill through the skin where he touched--or maybe that was just her fever leaving.

Cas withdrew his hand and she smiled again. He smiled as well, relieved that she was no longer afraid. "It was..Krenalax venom. It keeps wounds from healing, keeps them susceptible to infection. The enzymes are undetectable by technology, including--"

"The sonic screwdriver," she finished with a nod. She looked him in the eye again, holding her newly healed arm. "Thank you."

He nodded slightly, keeping eye contact but not saying a word. It occurred to her that he was still standing a bit close, which she didn't really mind. Quite suddenly they looked away at the same time.

"I'll tell the Doctor the good news," he said, brushing past her. She turned to watch him leave, but he was already gone. Looking around to the disbelief of her eyes, she vaguely heard him down the hall in the kitchen, telling the Doctor that "It was done."

"Quick little bugger," she mumbled before going into her room.

 

* * *

 

Two hours, now five in total. Amy lay there naked, covers thrown off, sliding a small bullet vibrator over her clit and her folds. After making herself come twice with her fingers alone and still not falling asleep, she thought something a little more powerful might do the trick. She had to keep somewhat quiet as the Doctor's room was only a few doors down the hall. She did pretty well for herself though, moaning and clenching her hand in the sheet as she climaxed for the fourth time that night.

Putting the vibrator away in her bedside table drawer, she pulled the sheet up over her body and curled up to go to sleep.

Half an hour later, her mind was still racing about him.

"Fuck," she said through gritted teeth, getting the vibrator back out.

 

* * *

 

The day after Castiel had proven himself to Amy, they arrived at their destination. The planet of Losilion 5. Their target: the Pearl Gates of the Everlasting Hope. Amy thought that a rubbish name and instead referred to it as--

"The Faith Fence, how exciting," she said in monotone once they'd stepped onto terra firma once again.

"Amy, please," the Doctor grumbled, but she could tell that Castiel at least was amused at the nickname. He'd already found that she was amusing in many ways.

"It's a gross over-simplification," the angel said with a smile, "but she's not wrong."

"Hear that? I'm not wrong," Amy teased.

"Okay, let's get on with it," the Doctor said grumpily. They began the seemingly endless ascent, with the Doctor taking lead and Cas bringing up the rear. Whenever Amy thought they'd made some progress, she'd look up and feel nothing but dismay. It never looked like they were any closer. At least there was no snow at their current altitude. After three hours of climbing, Castiel spoke up.

"I could at least take her up the next few thousand feet." _Thousand?!_

"No, Cas," the Doctor said, steadying himself against a rock to turn around and answer. "Any use of powers or technology and they'll instantly know we're here."

"Shouldn't we talk to them first?" Amy asked, confused. She'd never really known the Doctor to invade a place without speaking to the locals. But then she didn't know much about this mission; she'd neglected to ask about specifics beforehand, being otherwise distracted.

"We would if the didn't want us dead," the distraction said quite frankly from behind her.

Two hours later, they were finally close enough to see the whole gate top to bottom. Another hour later, they were fighting for their lives. It was thankfully short enough to be billed as a skirmish, but they would've been destroyed if not for Cas. At multiple points, Amy was so awestruck by Castiel's displays of power that she almost missed oncoming enemies. Relying mostly on a knife and not much practice or room--there was really nowhere to run on a mountaintop--she and the Doctor both mostly relied on Cas to take care of whoever was attacking them. And he was an absolute **machine** on the battlefield.

In one instance, he appeared in front of her just in time to take a blade to the chest. She screamed, seeing it protrude through his back. Before she could lament that it was all over, he'd pulled the blade straight from where it was stuck and sunk it into the enemy's skull. Amy had no time to be amazed as he was off taking care of the creature attacking the Doctor the next second.

The battle ended with Amy slitting the throat of the last standing Losil. She looked up to the Doctor, who looked completely forlorn but resolved. He hated the death of any living creature, but there really was no other choice when the locals attacked first and without hope of persuasion. She looked at Castiel, covered in black blood splatter just as she was. She thought his expression strange; he simply couldn't help but notice that death looked very becoming on her.

"It's time we go ahead," he said to the Doctor, who nodded.

There was a long pause in which the Time Lord looked around the small battlefield, then to Amy, then spoke to Cas. "Be careful with her."


	2. Clear My View

As Amy understood it, the main test of the Pearl Gate was to display unwavering faith in the face of uncertainty. More specifically, "uncertainty of the senses," and Amy seemed to be failing so far.

It had to be some sort of airborne hallucinogenic because Amy saw colors she didn't even have names for. There were strange shapes and sounds surrounding her when, only minutes ago, they'd entered a dark, quiet hall. That was another thing: Cas was gone, and she was seemingly alone now. She grasped and stumbled through the colorful air that pushed in around her, trying not to panic. Before the hallucinations had begun, that was the only thing Cas had a chance to tell her: don't panic. But she was right on the edge.

She was reminded of the time she had the flu as a teenager. Completely disoriented, unsteady on her feet, couldn't even remember her own birthday when asked, her fever burning her alive. Except for the fever, the hallucinations made her feel just like that.

She couldn't even remember why they were doing this. It was something to do with keeping a religious artifact out of the hands of an intergalactic warlord who, the Doctor professed, was already on his way to acquire it. Whether or not they'd been intimidated into surrendering it, the Losil had sold out for profit. Beyond that, she couldn't remember the specifics, and none of it really seemed important. Not when her mind was being messed with and her friends were gone.

Suddenly someone grabbed her hands and she almost screamed in surprise. It was the Doctor, but his expression was strange.

"Amy, you have to focus on the path." That was definitely not the Doctor's voice. "Everything you're seeing right now, it's not real. It's just distraction."

"So I'd guessed," she replied, her voice echoing ten times over in her ears. The last reverberations somehow knocked her off balance, but the "Doctor" caught her by her arms and kept her upright. They walked side by side, him acting as her crutch, for what seemed like an hour. Time had lost all meaning though. It could've been four hours or fifteen minutes. Amy didn't care anymore. She just wanted out.

"It's no use," her crutch said under his breath. "We'll never reach the end if you can't focus."

"I'm trying--" she said, almost defensively.

"No, you're not, because you can't. You don't have the chance to because the odds have been stacked against you."

"It's..rigged?"

"Yes. It seems the locals know the Gate only responds to human faith, specifically belief. Therefore, they've devised a test that muddles human brain function, so they don't know what to believe. They truly can't trust any of their senses." He stepped in front of her, and she saw now that the odd voice was because it was actually Cas. "We thought this scenario might be a possibility."

"So it's a trap?"

"Effectively."

"What do we do?" she asked, swaying slightly. But he was looking down at the ground, incredulous, unaware of her question. Unbeknownst to her, he'd just realized the solution.

"They got it wrong," he said, his eyes wide. He looked up at Amy. "Faith and belief, they're not always the same thing necessarily. Belief can be in anything seen or unseen, but faith...faith can only be had in the face of doubt."

"Can we get somewhere quickly with this? I'm starting to feel sick." She didn't even mention the pounding headache that was threatening to split her head open.

Cas nodded quickly, leaning closer as if sharing a secret. "In reality, the test, the machine, runs only on belief. Easier to manipulate...much easier to replicate."

Amy nodded slowly, trying not to fall over. "I'm guessing you have a way to replicate it."

He nodded, a little unsure of his own brand new plan. It was risky, and if it didn't work, well... "It's worth a try," he affirmed, "but you have to trust me."

Amy smiled. "Cas. I already do."

He exhaled in relief, or relief as she sensed it. The next moment, he closed the distance and pressed his lips to hers. A shock went through her like she'd never felt from a kiss. It vaguely occurred to her that this hardly seemed the time for hooking up, but something else was happening that made her forget she was being kissed.

_Can you let me in?_

_What?_ The question wasn't where was he; he was everywhere. She could feel him, and not just physically as he wrapped his arms around her. She could feel his voice press against her eardrums, even though he wasn't talking with his mouth. What if it was just another hallucination?

_My voice isn't a hallucination. I'm here._

_How are you doing this--_

_I can explain everything later. We don't have much time before the test figures out what we're doing._

_Well, we're kissing, Cas. It's sort of obvious._

_At this moment, yes. But if you let me in, we can finish this. A small amount of my grace should do it._

That was the only thing that made her hesitate. _No, Amy, it won't make you a vessel. You'll still be you, and the effects are only temporary._

_Okay then. What are we waiting for?_

_Um, Amy--_

_Oh, right! Yes._

At that moment, she felt warmth spread tingling through her chest. It spread from her head to her toes and filled her mind. She realized the kiss was only a distraction to whoever was watching, a sleight-of-hand way for Cas to slip her his grace. Suddenly, she was filled with the knowledge of the intricacies of life, complicated world-building mathematics, the names of every prophet that had and would ever exist, countless other divine concepts that wouldn't have made sense to her two seconds ago. With Cas's grace, she not only knew everything.

She _believed_ everything.

But the second she realized it, the machine recognized the deception. The kiss broke and the walls of the great hall in which they stood began to crumble. Monstrous boulders of clay and stone fell towards them, barely missing. Cas was shielding Amy as best he could, and she vaguely heard the Doctor yelling towards them. She turned in time to see him explode an incoming chunk of stone with the sonic.

"Castiel, get her out of here!" he shouted over the din.

"Wait, Doctor, no--" But it was too late. All she could do was cling to Cas as the air rushed and swirled past them, taking the air in her lungs with it. Within a second, he'd transported her to an adjacent mountaintop. She would've collapsed if he hadn't been holding onto her so tightly. Amy looked up at him, shaking.

"Are you okay?" he asked, so softly she almost didn't hear him over the wind. He looked so worried, and he was. He worried the hallucinogen she'd been exposed to could have harmful side effects, but he worried more about her mind; he prayed it wouldn't break.

"I think so," she said, betrayed by her wavering voice. They both looked at where they'd just come from; the Gate was imploding violently, menacing purple clouds all rushing towards an absolute center.

"I have to go get him," he told her, sinking her down to the ground and draping the trench coat around her to cut the wind. He was gone before she could say anything.

She crawled to the edge of the mountain, watching the destruction below. Trying her best to believe that they'd survive as the last of his grace faded from her mind. Yet she knew that wasn't enough. Now she'd have to have faith as well.

 

* * *

 

 Amy had given up. It was four in the morning, and the endeavor to sleep at all--even fifteen minutes, for Christ's sake--had proven fruitless. Her body wasn't even tired from her exertions, as if she'd been given the gift of endless sexual energy at the worst possible time of night. The truth was now she was just sad.

She wanted Castiel back. She'd only known him for a few days, enough time to become curious. Worse...attached. But she wanted to know him so much more, and not just in sexual ways, even if those were the ways that presently ruled her thoughts.

He'd saved her life countless times in the short span of time they'd been together. And no, she didn't feel like she owed him, but she definitely thought she could show him how grateful she was in a few imaginative ways given the chance. She'd thought several times about asking the Doctor to find Cas and drop her off where he was, if only for a few hours. As if that wouldn't seem suspect to him; even if he was bashful about things of an amorous nature, he wasn't an idiot. He'd know, and it almost felt a shameful secret that Amy had to keep. Wanting to fuck an angel just didn't sound natural in any sense. Besides, Cas was probably off in another war zone at that very moment, most likely with those two monster hunters he called his family.

Her thoughts stopped when she heard a soft knock at the door. She turned her head towards the door, waiting. Another few knocks.

"No way."

 

* * *

 

 Amy was curled up with a cuppa in the jump seat close to the TARDIS console the day after they'd narrowly escaped Losilion 5 with the artifact. She'd been underwhelmed by the appearance of it--a sizeable piece of Earth brick with glyphs scribbled on all sides--but both Castiel and the Doctor had assured her it was very powerful. Now they were on their way to deliver it to the Church of the Papal Mainframe, where it would be safe from the warlord searching for it. She didn't care much about that right then though.

"Amelia," Cas said, the use of her full first name catching her attention. "I'm sorry..."

"Why? You made it clear. You have to go," she said, looking down at her cup. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the Doctor leave the room with his head hung low. He knew her personal hang-ups with people leaving and knew she needed to say goodbye, even if she wasn't good at it.

"They need me," he said. "I'd stay if I could."

She stood then, placing her cup on the seat and looking him in the eye. "I know. It's okay."

He extended a hand, but she looked at him as if he'd lost his mind. Slowly, his arm dropped back to his side, a slightly confused look on his face. Was she too upset to tell him goodbye? With a small smile, she pulled him in for a kiss.

The kiss deepened as his hands grasped her waist and she curled a hand around his neck, a long moan making its way up her throat. Cas was the one that pulled away.

"Amelia," he said, his voice even deeper, vibrating against her chest. He could feel his will to refuse weakening. If he didn't feel his current mission was so important, he would've already given up on trying to leave.

"Just stay for another hour." Another kiss. "Or two." She laughed lightly. "It's a time machine, Cas. I could make it worth your while." She fiddled with the lapel of his trench, but he caught her hand gently. Amy met his stare again, a sad expression coloring her eyes. He wanted more than anything to stay. "What could've been, yeah?"

Cas brought both of her hands, clasped in his, to their chests. "I would want much more than just two hours."

Her heart leapt at the confession, and she barely moved when he planted one last longing kiss on her lips. Then he was gone.

 

* * *

 

 That was a week ago. Now Amy was rushing to put her nightgown back on to answer the door. She'd attempted not to get her hopes up for about five seconds and failed miserably. Her heart was hammering at the prospect of Cas showing up in the middle of the night to see her. She clamored to the door, almost tripping on her shoes, unlocked the door and--

"Amy, I'm glad you're awake!" the Doctor said, wearing some goofy goggles and holding a beaker of bright pink liquid. "I think I discovered a new color!"

She tried to hide her obvious disappointment, but all she could manage was a pained smile.

"Just look at it," he said with enthusiasm, doing just that from all angles. He took on the tone of a salesman, which she could still find amusing even through her sadness. "It's so beautiful and bright. It's not like hot pink or a light pink you see at baby showers. It's in the middle, it's...sultry, it's new, it's--"

"It's fuschia," Amy said apologetically. She clapped him on the shoulder as he looked closer at the liquid, then held it far away.

"Huh," the Doctor said finally. "Interesting."

"Sorry," she replied.

"Well, we could always take it back to 17th century Europe," he said as he walked away. "It'd be new to them!"

She laughed lightly before closing the door. Shaking her head, she let it thud lightly on the door. She felt ridiculous, being this upset over someone she'd only known a few days. But she'd missed every opportunity with him, simply because the whole angel aspect had been a bit...off-putting wasn't the right term. Intimidating, though she'd never admit that outright. Then it finally occurred to her.

 _Castiel_ , she thought, already feeling ridiculous and terribly nervous that it wouldn't even work. _When I turn around from this door, please...just be here. I miss you._

"I missed you as well."

She spun around, only taking in the sight of Cas for a second or two. He looked different, even with the same trench coat. War-ravaged, at least more so than he'd been before. The next second she collided with him, hugging him as tight as possible while he did the same. He couldn't believe he'd made it back to her.

"I'm sorry it took me so long," he implored.

"Why?" she asked in confusion as she pulled back, then back-tracked. "Wait, how long has it been for you?"

"Two years." Her eyes flew open. "How long for you?"

"Just a week," she said, suddenly feeling selfish for being upset over such a short span of time.

Cas simply smiled with relief. "Good."

"Are you okay?" she asked, placing a hand on his cheek.

He sighed, his hands covering the small of her back. "It's been a long two years." She nodded, personal experience reminding her how long seemingly short spans of time could really feel. How horrible it could be.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Amy asked earnestly. No matter how much she wanted to be with him, she wanted more for him to be okay.

"Not really," he replied, rubbing her hand that was on his cheek. "There was...so much bad. It seems to be getting worse. And I'm ashamed to say that, for the first time, I'm losing faith in myself."

"Cas--" she started sympathetically, sadly, but he shook his head.

"I'd rather just forget about it all for now," he said, his eyes softening as he gazed into hers.

"Maybe I could help with that," she said with a small smile, which he mirrored.

"Yes, I believe you could." He kissed her deeply, firmly, as they began to drift back to the bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FYI: Cas comes back to Amy not long before "Sacrifice." (s8 e23)


	3. All I See in the Light

_The door's still unlocked._

A turn of his hand and it was locked. _I've already soundproofed the room._

Her heart sped up even more at that. _Good thinking._

The backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed and they broke apart. She inched back onto the bed while he threw his coat to the ground, kicking off his shoes and starting on loosening his tie after. Amy rose to her knees, keeping eye contact as she started to shrug out of her nightgown, the straps falling off her shoulders. Cas joined her on the bed and she began unbuttoning his shirt. Once it was removed they were back to kissing, his hands roving over her body. She worked on undoing his belt as her nightgown fell to her knees. He paused, entranced by the sight of her, before leaning into her neck as his hands resumed exploration. 

She breathed his name as his fingers slid over her nipples and he sucked on her neck in earnest. Moaning, she slid one hand in between his pants and his underwear. With one swift motion and a yelp, she was on her back. She could tell he was about to apologize for the suddenness, but she pulled him down for a kiss instead. He moved his lips to her nipples, making her keen. Slowly, she moved one of his hands to rest between her legs, and he took the hint. Her back arched as he began to stroke her clit, she was already so turned on. She was losing focus, simply enjoying the pleasure, but her eyes flew open when she felt him replace his hand with his mouth. "Oh, God!" she called in surprise, almost instantly feeling guilty.

_It's okay_ , he assured her. She could feel his mind caressing hers, relaxing her as he continued to eat her out. Her hands wove into his hair, his fingertips pressing into her soft thighs. She thought she'd lose her mind when she finally came, still keeping quiet just out of habit. He pulled her nightgown completely off as she started to catch her breath. She opened her eyes to see him working his pants and underwear off the rest of the way. Resting on her elbows, she took in the sight of him with an impressed smile. He came to rest over her, planting soft kisses on her lips and pulling her close so there was no space in between them. His hands drifted down to her legs, leaving goosebumps in their wake, and he wrapped her legs around his waist. She wanted him to fuck her so badly. 

_Please, please._

_We'll get there. Slowly. I want to make sure you're ready._

"I've been ready all night," she assured him.

"I know. I heard you." Her eyebrows raised at that. "I was already close by, and you were very hard to ignore."

She smiled coyly. "Glad to hear that."

The next moment, he seemed somewhat unsure. "What is it, Cas?"

He took a breath, looking her in the eyes. "Can I turn you over?"

"Absolutely," she answered without a moment's hesitation, her mind thrilling at whatever he had in store. "Do whatever you want to me."

Cas was surprised at how sure she was, though he shouldn't have been; she'd always trusted him. He turned her over, kissing the back of her neck for a moment before reaching to her bedside table and pulling out the vibrator. _Oh...you were watching, too._

_Just a little_ , but she could feel a tinge of guilt.

_Don't. I like the thought of you watching me._

Any further thoughts of hers were cut short as he pressed the vibrator against her opening, sliding it up to her already sensitive clit. She groaned into the pillow as he held her hips up off the bed, her squirming grinding his erection against her ass. That made it difficult for him to focus on her needs, but he pressed on. He moved the vibrator back to her opening--then slid it all the way in. She screamed at the sudden burst of stimulation, whimpering and shaking as he slowly fucked her with the device. It didn't hurt even though she knew she was overstimulated, and it occurred to her that he might be keeping the pain away.

He took the vibrator out and she half slumped against the bed, come dripping down the insides of her thighs. "C-Cas...I think I'm more than ready."

"Okay, just...let me know if it's too much," he said, leaning over her to get the right position. He hadn't bothered telling her this was his first time, as it would probably just make them both more nervous. And he was _very_ nervous. He cared deeply for Amy and would never forgive himself if he messed this up.

"I will, but," she began, now thinking of questions. "Is there anything different, like..will it hurt more or..."

"It won't hurt at all," he answered softly, kissing her shoulderblade all the way up to her neck. It put him somewhat at ease to know he was keeping the pain of overstimulation away. "I promise."

She turned her head and kissed him, felt a hand on her stomach holding her still as he began to press into her. Her moans increased with every inch he gave her until she had to break away to breathe. His dick stretched her more than she was used to, much to her delight. He sighed her name into her hair, amazed at how good it felt being inside her. Once she'd accommodated him, he pulled out a few inches only to press in deeper. Taking her gasps and moans as encouragement, he sat up and continued in a steady rhythm, sliding in fully and quickly every now and then to enjoy her yelling his name. She grabbed onto the headboard for support as he sped up, already feeling her next climax coming on.

"Faster," she begged. "Fuck me! Please!" Fulfilling her wishes, he grabbed her by the hips and crashed into her with every thrust. They were both yelling as she came again, but he didn't slow down. He flipped her quickly, gathered her legs to drape over his shoulders, then thrust into her again. The difference in the angle made her cry out as he gained speed once more. She was already completely wrecked and she **loved** it--until he suddenly stopped.

"What? Cas--"

"Will you let me in?" he said breathlessly, trying to calm himself.

Now she was confused. "I don't think there are many more ways you haven't already--"

"No, no, Amy. I mean..my grace."

"Oh," she stuttered, curious what that would change. She found herself nodding before the "yes" even formed on her tongue. He leaned in inches from her mouth and breathed a thin, radiant tendril of grace through her parted lips. She felt the familiar warm, tingling sensation spread throughout her body--only this time, the tingling was centered in much more specific areas. It pulsed through her brain, igniting the pleasure centers of her mind, pressed into her most sensitive nerve endings. She was speechless, but her body was completely relaxed.

Cas brushed some hair back from her forehead, stroking her cheek with his thumb and leaving a tingling sensation on her skin. Her eyes glowed white for a moment as the grace took hold, then faded back to hazel. "Is this okay?" 

"Y-yes," she stuttered, astounded by how intense things felt when they were just lying still. He was unsure because of her expression, so she swallowed and tried to speak again. "I want this, Cas. I want you, all of you."

A hint of a convinced smile, he kissed her and resumed his thrusts slowly. The first orgasm was so intense that she was silent; that was rare with Amy during sex. Cas held her hands above her head with one hand and held up her leg with another when she came again, finding her voice. He would've thought he'd hurt her, she was so loud, but he could feel the absolute bliss exploding through her mind.

"Fuck, Cas, don't stop!" she yelled as he picked up the pace, so close to climax himself. He let go of her wrists to grab hold of her hips, pounding into her harder with every thrust until she was screaming herself hoarse. She felt his fingers digging hard into her hip bones, heard him yell her name as he came. It was hot, almost burning, but she took as much as she could hold.  
The next second she was off the bed, and he was bouncing her up and down on the last of his erection. It was all she could do to hold onto him, digging her nails into his back. He moaned as they raked down his skin, but decided he liked the pain. She came for the last time, screaming into his neck as he continued grinding into her to ride her through the orgasm.

Once they were done, Amy fell back on the bed in satisfied exhaustion. Cas laid down beside her, gathering her in his arms. They both realized it was the first they'd felt content and relaxed in a long time. Better than that, they felt safe.


	4. Keep Me a Trick of the Light

"Was that okay?" Castiel asked after a while, a slightly anxious edge to his tone. Amy had already started nodding off, but she opened her eyes in surprise at the question.

"For future reference, Cas," she began, "when a girl screams that much during sex and begs you not to stop, you're doing much better than okay. Trust me."

He chuckled softly and kissed her neck, bringing back her earlier goosebumps. "Good." A few beats of silence. "And I didn't hurt you? I was trying to keep anything from hurting--"

"Cas," she said, turning towards him, "please stop worrying. That was some of the best sex I've ever had. I don't say that lightly." She let her fingers drift down his cheek. She had more to say, but stopped short when he took the hand on his cheek and softly kissed the palm.

That's when something clicked in her mind, though she couldn't put her finger on what it was. She wasn't sure if he loved her, and she was too afraid of the answer to ask, but she could no longer ignore the fact that she might be falling for him. And that was terrifying.

Instead of thinking too much about it, she kissed him again. He pulled her on top of him and she bit gently at his bottom lip, their hands now tangled in each other's hair.

_I love you, too._

She pulled away, unsure whether or not she'd imagined the words. But she could see it in his eyes when she looked. She slowly smiled, slightly blushing as he did the same. It was Cas who started the next round of kissing, well aware that even though she was afraid to say it, she loved him as well.

 

* * *

 

Amy walked towards the kitchen, eyes half closed, desperate for anything caffeinated. Going three rounds with an angel and getting about an hour of sleep would do that to a woman. She absently rubbed the back of her neck, her hand ghosting over already fading bite marks. (She'd had to really talk Cas into that one.) Once she got there, she was happy to find that Cas had already made tea. She gratefully took the cup he offered, standing beside him by the counter and sipping tiredly.

"Wonderful," she said dreamily. "I'm not sure how the whole hierarchy works, but you deserve to be upgraded to a god."

He laughed lightly. "For making tea?"

"That...and other things," she said quietly, taking a long drink.

"Then I suppose you should be a goddess," he said, pulling her to him by the elbow as she sat her cup on the counter.

"I could be your goddess at least," she said smoothly, putting an arm around his waist.

"Definitely," he said with a smile before kissing her long and deeply. She giggled slightly when they parted, giving him a tired smile. "I shouldn't have exhausted you so severely," he said with concern, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

"Don't worry about me," she said dismissively. "That was well worth losing sleep for." More kissing. "So what should we do tonight? Maybe a little bit of--"

She was cut short when his smile disappeared, replaced by a solemn look of apology. Her heart fell through the floor. "Oh. I know."

"I'm so sorry," he said sadly, rubbing her shoulders. "It's another...stupid mission. I mean, it's important, but I'd give anything to stay here. Just stay here and let someone else fix the mess. But...it's my mess."

Amy stared at him in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"If I told you, you'd see me differently," he warned. "You might even hate me."

Her expression softened. "Then don't tell me." Now it was his turn to be confused. "Don't tell me," she repeated before he could speak. "I don't need to know. It has nothing to do with me."

Even with that, his brow still furrowed. "Are you sure?" She nodded.

"Completely," she said, putting her arms around him and leaning her head on his shoulder. "And I don't want anymore of this losing-faith-in-yourself business, yeah? Because I have faith in you."

He couldn't help but smile as he held her close, laying his head on hers. "Yes ma'am," he joked, and he felt her laugh silently. "You know...I do have a few hours still before I have to go back."

"Ooh," she began in tired excitement, "the things we could do!"

"Morning-o!" the Doctor said as he walked into the kitchen. Amy and Cas broke apart quickly as if that would make things less obvious. The Doctor breezed through the room all flailing arms at a level of energy Amy found disgusting for the time of day. "Amelia, it feels like a great day to visit 17th century Europe. I found another color, and it would do them well to have it a few centuries early. Hello, Castiel! What brings you here?" He grabbed a bagel and some jam out of the fridge, but continued with his one-sided conversation. "I hope it's not an emergency, but of course we're willing to help just like you helped us, right Amy? I would love a day to simply better the fashion industry of the late middle ages, but if we must save the universe first then that's no small matter. Amy, where's our coffee? Did you hide it again?" He was out the door again before Amy could even process all he'd said, let alone answer his question.

"He knows," Castiel announced.

"Wow, really?" Amy said sarcastically. "Probably not the details though. He doesn't like to think about that stuff."

"You mean sex?" Cas clarified.

"Yeah," Amy said, smiling. "He gets all grumpy whenever someone brings it up. Sometimes he gets really clumsy like you just told him his fly was down, it's quite hilarious."

Cas didn't think that sounded much like his friend of many centuries, but he didn't have time to argue the point before he heard a familiar voice in his ears, praying for him. He pressed two fingers to his temple to better concentrate, knowing that it must be important if the message was able to carry through the continuum itself. Amy's brow furrowed, realizing they probably no longer had a few hours left to spend together.

The prayer ended, and Cas looked at Amy sadly. "I'm sorry...I must go as soon as possible."

Amy nodded, looking down. "Maybe it's for the best." There was silence between them but only for a moment. She felt his hand touch her cheek, closing her eyes to the gesture. He lifted her chin, looking her in the eye before planting a soft, simple kiss on her lips.

"For what it's worth," he began, his voice breaking, "this, what's between us...it's the only thing I've done right in a long time."

She tried desperately to think of a response, but she couldn't. She wanted to tell him that he was the best thing to happen to her in forever, but the words wouldn't form. Amy would've given anything to be able to say something meaningful, something to let him know that he wasn't just a fling to her.

"I'll miss you every day," was all she could come up with.

"And I'll miss you," he replied. Then he was gone.

 

* * *

 

Amy lead what felt like several lifetimes over the next few years. Only two years passed for everyone else in the normal world, but she had ten years of life on the TARDIS. Mere weeks after falling for Castiel, Amy was reacquainted with the fact that she had a husband. She didn't tell Rory; she never would. She never quite felt guilty about it either.

She died at the opening of the Pandorica, her last thought being whether or not she was about to see her angel again. Two-thousand years asleep, then she brought the Doctor back into existence with just a thought. Not too bad for a girl from dusty old Leadworth, she'd think to herself every now and then.

But her life felt like a tragedy of Shakespearian proportions after that. Giving birth to Melody only to lose her and her childhood to the Silence, one of the most terrifying ordeals of her life. The situation was dire enough that the Doctor considered calling Cas in again, but he was busy raising an army against Raphael at the time. Likewise, Castiel thought to call his old friend for a favor, but knew the Doctor's distaste for bloodshed. Even when he was only wavelengths, Cas thought of Amy, prayed--if there was any point in that anymore--that she'd find her daughter again.

Amy missed Castiel terribly, silently for years, and long after she and Rory had to leave the Doctor. The two years after the Weeping Angels sent them back to 1938 were the hardest, until the thought of Cas brought a smile instead of pain. She almost wrote a note to him in the afterword of her book, but she decided there wasn't any point in it. What she felt for Cas would've been the only truth in the sea of lies on that page. _Never let him see the damage._ Why should Cas have to see it either?

Not long before all the angels fell to earth, Cas heard of Amy's death. Devastated, he meant to find her, to maybe even bring her back to her own time--until Naomi got a hold of him. What he could remember of her tortures never lasted long...then the memories themselves started fading. He found himself grasping at empty spaces in his mind where memories used to be.

Cas was reaching for Amy, but he couldn't remember her.

The Doctor, on the other hand, could never forget. He never forgot what it felt like when Amy's hand disappeared from his that day in the cemetery. He never forgot what it felt like that morning in the TARDIS's kitchen, to see the woman he secretly loved in an intimate embrace with his life-long friend. And he certainly never forgot how heartbreaking it felt to realize over and over that he'd never be with her, no matter the circumstances of the universe they inhabited.

But what none of them knew, what none of them even dared to imagine, was that fate would push them all together again.

Very soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I want to apologize for how long it took me to get this last chapter out. Work got hectic and my health wasn't too great, but I'm thankfully better now.
> 
> This is the end of this story, but in some ways this is just a prequel. That's why I tried to make the smut a stand-alone chapter, in case some didn't want to read that kind of thing. I'm hoping to do a much bigger, more involved Superwho story soon--as long as my muse and my health cooperate.
> 
> Thank you for reading and I hope to have more for you all soon!


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